When someone you love dies, the impact isn’t only emotional. It’s structural.
And by structural, I mean very simply that loss affects the parts of you that hold you up. It touches the places inside you that give you a sense of steadiness, belonging, continuity, and safety. It reaches into the roots of your life - the deep, unseen parts that shape how you move through the world.
When those roots are shaken, everything in your life feels different.
You may find yourself going through the motions, yet feeling strangely disconnected from your own life. You may notice that ordinary tasks take more effort, or that your concentration slips in ways it never used to. You might feel more fragile, more easily overwhelmed, or more sensitive to things that wouldn’t normally affect you. You may find yourself questioning who you are, how you’re meant to carry on, or what life even is now.
None of this is unusual. It’s what happens when a profound loss reaches into the very foundations of your inner world.
This is especially true when the person you’ve lost is someone who shaped your life in a defining way - a mother, father, partner, child, sibling, or someone whose presence formed part of your emotional structure. When a relationship like that ends through death, your inner landscape doesn’t just feel altered; it feels somehow, rearranged.
Your sense of belonging shifts. Your sense of identity shifts. Your sense of safety shifts. Your nervous system shifts. Your place in the world shifts.
It’s not simply that you miss the person. It’s that the world feels different without them in it.
When my mum died, I remember feeling that there was a gap at the side of me – a hole. It was almost tangible, as though a part of my inner structure had been removed. Over the years, that gap is less sharp, becoming more blurred, however it hasn’t disappeared. It’s still there when I stop and look. No one can fill it, because it was shaped by her - by her presence, her influence, her love, and the way she was woven into my everyday life. And even now, nearly thirteen years later, I can still sense her in that space - quietly reminding me of how deeply she was, and still is a part of me, and how her presence continues in everything I am and do.
This is what I mean when I describe your foundations to be shaken. It shows how your grief is touching the deepest parts of your life - the parts that have shaped you, supported you, and helped you feel anchored in the world.
And when those parts shift, you need gentleness, steadiness, and support. And this can be challenging for many people. I have clients who for many years avoided and suppressed their profound loss and that their foundations had been rocked by living their life in such a way that they didn’t give themselves the space and time to sit and look at the gap because it was too painful for them.
One friend of mine tells how they did anything and everything to not address their pain – this led to many poor habits and addictions that took over their lives. It is only after many, many years that they have been able to address their profound loss.
Three Ways to Support Yourself When Your Roots Feel Shaken
When your foundations feel this disrupted, you don’t need a long list of tasks. You need a few grounded, meaningful practices that help you feel anchored again. Here are three ways to support yourself when everything inside feels unsettled.
1. Create one small place of steadiness in your day
When your inner world feels unfamiliar, your nervous system benefits from something predictable – something gentle and reassuring.
Choose one small thing that becomes a steady point in your day. It might be sitting in the same chair each morning with a warm drink. It might be stepping outside for a few minutes of fresh air. It might be lighting a candle in the evening. It might be returning to a familiar object, scent, or space.
This isn’t about routine for productivity. It’s about giving your system one moment that feels safe, known, and uncomplicated.
A single point of steadiness can help you feel less adrift.
2. Slow down and let your body catch up with your grief
When your foundations are shaken, you may find that life moves faster than your emotions can process. You may find yourself rushing, over‑functioning, or trying to keep up with life even though your inner world is asking for stillness.
Try to slow your pace intentionally.
Move gently. Pause before responding. Give yourself permission to do less. Let your breath settle before you continue with whatever you’re doing.
Grief affects the nervous system, and slowing down helps your body integrate what has happened. It allows your emotions to surface in manageable ways rather than building pressure inside you.
Slowing down isn’t being weak, it’s a form of self‑support.
3. Let yourself be witnessed by someone steady
When your roots feel shaken, you need connection - not necessarily with many people, but with someone who can sit with you without rushing you, fixing you, or expecting you to be ‘okay‘.
Being seen, heard and witnessed helps you feel less alone inside your experience. It helps you feel seen in the places that feel most altered. It helps you feel held while you navigate a landscape that has changed.
This might be a trusted friend, a family member, a grief‑informed practitioner, or a community. What matters is not the number of people, but the quality of your connection.
You don’t have to rebuild your foundations alone. You deserve support that feels steady, calm, and compassionate.
And if nothing else – please try to eat healthily, and walk in nature every day - because even the simplest things can make a big difference, and these are particularly beneficial habits to form for your wellbeing.
If your foundations feel shaken after a profound loss, nothing about your experience is strange. It simply means your grief is touching the deepest parts of your life - the parts that shaped you, supported you, and helped you feel anchored in the world.
Your roots will settle again, slowly and gently, in their own time. And you deserve support as you navigate this new terrain.
My holistic grief support offers grounded, compassionate support for all aspects of grief and for the deeper shifts that follow a profound loss.
If you’d like to talk about how you’re doing and what you’re carrying, please reach out. You can see how you can work with me in the "services" section of my website.
With much love,
Lindsey xx