This month’s blog is all about Grief and the Body: Listening to What Hurts
When I reflect on my own grief, and that of my clients, I can see how grief doesn’t just live in your heart and through your emotions. It settles in your body too. At times it is quietly sitting there, just minor twinges of pain and at other times it is quite insistent, and without warning can be incredibly painful and shocking.
When you’re grieving, you will expect tears, sadness and an overwhelming feeling of emotions. However, what you may not expect is the aching shoulders, the tight chest or the exhaustion that makes even the simplest task feel like you’re climbing a mountain!
I’ve come to understand and observe that grief is not just emotional. It’s physical. And your bodies, wise and intuitive as they are, carry the weight of what your minds can’t always process. We often hear the phrase whatever you are experiencing emotionally will come out physically, and grief is no different.
The Physical Language of Loss
Grief can show up in ways that feel really confusing and even alarming. So you might notice:
- Tension in your jaw or shoulders, as if bracing for something else to happen
- Digestive issues such as nausea, bloating, or a sudden loss of appetite
- Sleep disturbances such as vivid dreams, insomnia, or sleeping too much
- Exhaustion that lingers, even after you’ve rested
- Aches and pains that seem to have no clear cause
These symptoms aren’t “in your head”, nor are they random. They’re your body’s way of expressing stress, sadness, and emotional overload.
Why Does This Happen?
Essentially grief activates your nervous system. The body enters a ‘stress response’ via the amygdala which triggers your fight, flight, or freeze state, even when there’s no physical danger. In response the hypothalamus signals the release of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline and this surge then causes your muscles to tighten, your digestion to slow and your sleep becomes elusive. It’s as if the body is trying to protect us from something it can’t quite name. In this instance, it is grief.
At times, it’s not just the loss itself that causes your aches and pains and jaw clenching et al, sometimes it’s down to all of your effort of holding it all together for others, of showing up, of pretending to be okay when you’re definitely not!
What Helps?
As you are unique, there is no one size fits all answer, however below are my thoughts around gentle ways to support your body through grief:
- Movement: Not for your fitness, but for release. A slow walk, a few stretches, or dancing in your kitchen can help shift stagnant energy, that is trapped in your body
- Breathwork: Deep, intentional breathing calms your nervous system. Try placing a hand on your chest and another on your tummy, and simply notice the rhythm.
- Rest: True rest. Not lying there scrolling through your phone trying to distract yourself from your intense emotions, but lying down, closing your eyes, breathing deeply and allowing yourself to very gently relax and truly rest.
- Touch: A warm bath, a (weighted) blanket, or even placing your own hands on your heart can offer you the comfort you need.
- Journaling: Ask your body, “Where do I feel my grief today?” and let your words flow.
A Personal Reflection
When I reflect on my own grief journeys, and in the stories shared with me, I’ve seen how grief can settle in your stomach, your throat, your chest, the clenching of your jaw. I’ve felt it in the whole of my physical body. And I’ve learned that healing isn’t just about talking or thinking. It’s about feeling, and allowing your body to speak.
So if you’re currently grieving and your body feels “off”, you are not broken. Your body is responding to your grief and adapting. You’re surviving, and slowly, and gently, you’re healing!
If you’d like support in reconnecting with your body and breath, my new guided meditation The Grief Collective is now available on my website for an energy exchange of £7. It’s a gentle invitation to pause, breathe, and be held. It’s a space to gain compassion, connection and calm.
| Get your meditation here |
Here is some beautiful feedback regarding my meditation:
"I found it just incredible to be held in this way, in the space the meditation created. It brought me peace, comfort and healing and helped me to be in the space of me, that I really needed during this period of time when grieving. Lindsey’s voice and energy encourage a sense of safety that transports you with the meditation and simply enables peace within".
Journaling Prompt “What is my body trying to tell me today?”
Let this question guide you as to explore where your grief may be sitting within your physical body. You might be surprised by what rises to the surface. And of course accessing the healing therapies available, is a great way to activate your body’s natural self-healing system.
Sometimes, the most powerful shift begins with simply noticing what needs your attention.
I hope you have found this blog useful.
With love, Lindsey xx
Ways to work with me:
Services for Grief:
NEW SERVICE: Grief before Loss Service for those who are anticipating the loss of a loved one and are grieving before their loved one has passed away.
Healing Hearts Service for those who are in the acute aspects of their grief journey having experienced a profound loss
Life after Loss Programme for those who have come to accept their loss and wish to reignite their purpose, identity and life.
Healing therapies: – in person or remote healing given to individuals providing Reiki & Seichem; Green Ray Reiki; Crystal Healing and Violet Flame Healings.
IEMT (Integral Eye Movement Therapy): A quick change process to address unwanted feelings, thoughts and emotions that lead to anxiety, depression. Can also address trauma and PTSD and many other issues.
Life Coaching/NLP: Sessions for those who wish to move forwards in their goals and dreams, addressing any limiting beliefs and challenges that may hinder your journey.
Tel: 07746 577 339
Email: hello@hocokahwellbeing.com
Web: https://www.hocokahwellbeing.com