February 2025 Blog - Unresolved Grief

This month’s blog is all about Unresolved Grief – a subject that is very dear to my heart. As some of you may know, I started Hocokah Wellbeing because, having spent seven plus years supporting in-patients on mental health wards as an advocate, I observed that the majority of those patients on the ward were struggling with unresolved grief. Yes, they had severe mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression, however, it was clear to see that their mental health had deteriorated due to not having worked through their losses and subsequent grief.

These patients’ grief at times was all consuming. And clearly they had not received or sought support at the times of their losses. The patients that I supported were of a generation where it was not usual for them to seek the support they needed, if indeed any had been forthcoming. We are luckier in many respects as my own generation and younger, have seen the introduction of many types of support which is readily available privately, as well as some limited free support via the NHS and charitable organisations.

So what do I mean by unresolved grief?

Well unresolved grief is generally known as grief that is persistent for people, and is impacting on their ability to function normally in their daily lives. People generally find it difficult to cope with their loss, with it becoming overwhelming and symptoms can be seen physically and emotionally such as people isolating themselves, self-neglecting (in terms of personal care etc), increased alcohol consumption, having difficulties in maintaining relationships. It may feel that a person’s grief is actually growing rather than diminishing. In addition, if individuals ignore or suppress their grief, they can become depressed and/or experience delayed grief later in their lives.

I understand that in reading the above, you may think, well some of that sounds quite normal when someone is reeling from a loss. What is different here is the persistence of this grief. You will find me stating over and over that grief is unique for each of us and that it will take as long as it takes to come to terms with your loss. However with unresolved grief, the person does not show any movement towards coming to terms with their grief, they are generally stuck and their grief does not show any signs of diminishing or the individual gaining any emotional acceptance of their loss.

Other symptoms that can be identified with unresolved grief are:

· when individuals refuse to discuss how they are feeling about the loss they have suffered or refuses to talk about the loss itself.

· a person throws themselves into their work or a hobby

· a person has a preoccupation about the loss, talking about nothing but the loss

Why do people suffer with unresolved grief?

There can be many reasons for this. When it comes to losing a loved one, it may be because of the following:

· When a person didn't get to say goodbye properly to their loved one or there are unanswered questions about the loss and this can lead to a lack of closure.

· Losses that occur unexpectedly or are particularly traumatic can be harder to process and come to terms with.

· Sometimes, society's expectations to "move on" can make individuals suppress their grief instead of dealing with it.

· If there is no support system in place for an individual, or they have existing mental health issues, or there are previous unresolved trauma, this can complicate the grieving process.

· If an individual’s relationship with the deceased was strained or complex, it might lead to mixed emotions and unresolved grief.

Of course unresolved grief is not always about the loss of a loved one, but of other kinds of losses too, as shown in January’s blog. The following gives some examples:

· Loss of identity: This can happen with many differing major life changes, for example, retirement, job loss, or divorce, all of which can lead to a feeling of losing a part of oneself.

· Loss of health: Chronic illness or a significant health change can cause grief as individuals mourn their lost abilities, capabilities or their previous state of health.

· Loss of a home or environment: Moving away from a beloved home or environment can create feelings of grief, especially if it was a place filled with positive memories.

· Loss of a perceived future: Unfulfilled dreams or life plans, such as infertility, not finding a long-term relationship, or not achieving a long-held goal, can result in grieving around what might have been.

Each type of loss can profoundly affect an individual, and it's important to recognise and address these feelings to heal and move forward.

If you, or you know someone else who is struggling with unresolved grief it may be that they require a visit to their GP and need to seek counselling. This kind of grief is complex and generally requires specialist psychiatric or psychological support.

I hope that this blog gives you some understanding as to why resolving your grief is SO important and why I decided to launch Hocokah Wellbeing with such a range of support for you:

· Healing Hearts Service: for those in the recent and/or acute stages of grief, who require a deeply listening ear. I can support you to understand the various theories of grief and how your grief may resonate with them. I can also provide you with the healing that you may require to alleviate your pain. And I can provide you with a range of tools and techniques that you may find helpful in coming to terms with your loss.

· Life after Loss Programme: reigniting your life having suffered a major loss in your life. This 12-session programme is a combination of coaching, NLP and healing (and potentially IEMT if required). It takes you from where you are now to where you want to be in your life. It supports you to find or reignite your purpose, your identity, your dreams or goals and travels with you every step of the way to support your transformation.

Other support available:

· A short programme of Life Coaching: which can be around loss and grief or any aspect of your life.

· Various healing therapies: Including Reiki & Seichem, Crystal Healing, Violet Flame Healings and Green Ray Reiki to transmute your loss, stress and anxiety.

· Integral Eye Movement Therapy (IEMT): Supporting you to alleviate negative thoughts, feelings and emotions that can lead to anxiety and depression; addressing trauma and identity issues.

NOTE: ALL support can be undertaken remotely, even the healing!

For further details go to: www.hocokahwellbeing.com​

I am also more than happy to discuss how I can support you via telephone and email. Just get in touch.

T: 07746 577339

E: hello@hocokahwellbeing.com​

Until next month, I wish you much love and light,

Lindsey xx